


find the truth, introduce it with a hundred proof

by noirshitsuji



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: AU, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Hanahaki Disease, Identity Reveal, Implied Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe - Freeform, Minor Marinette Dupain-Cheng & Tikki, Mr Pigeon Strikes Again, POV Plagg (Miraculous Ladybug), POV Third Person, Plagg Being Plagg (Miraculous Ladybug), Plagg Is So Done (Miraculous Ladybug), Plagg Swears (Miraculous Ladybug), Plagg and Tikki are Tired, Pre-Kwamibuster, Scheming to get the kids together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:21:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27252598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noirshitsuji/pseuds/noirshitsuji
Summary: None of  Marinette’s friends quite know how she hasn’t been hospitalised with Hanahaki disease due to her asteroid-sized crush on Adrien yet (though they are grateful for it) and nobody quite knows how Chat Noir hasn’t been, either, given his on Ladybug (which hasn't deterred him).Nobody except for Plagg and Tikki, that is.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Plagg & Tikki, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Plagg, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Plagg/Tikki (Miraculous Ladybug)
Comments: 38
Kudos: 270
Collections: Miraculous Ladybug and Cat/Chat Noir Reveal





	find the truth, introduce it with a hundred proof

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [the flowers that we've grown together](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27198797) by [MiaBrown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaBrown/pseuds/MiaBrown). 



> Written because MiaBrown did [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27198797) and all of us at the [ML Writers' Guild](https://mlwritersguild.tumblr.com/) collectively lost it. Go ahead and read her version first if you'd like to; it'll, ah, prepare you for the experience here.
> 
> Title from ['Come Thru' by Lukr](https://genius.com/Lukr-come-thru-lyrics).

“Okay, sugar cube, tell me what we have on the agenda for this week,” Plagg said, gladly helping himself to a cheese bite.

“It’s not an agenda, Plagg, it’s a brainstorming session!” Tikki replied, doing the kwami equivalent of frustratedly pacing around the room.

“Ah, right. Well, you’re the only one here who can actually come up with ideas, sweetcheeks, and if the last three sessions are anything to go by, it seems your well has dried up.” He swallowed the rest of the cheese in one swift gulp. “Now, unless something hits you in the next thirty seconds, I suggest we adjourn this meeting. Chemistry chick is bound to get here soon.” He paused, savouring the smirk that settled on his face. “Or, you know, we could go with my method.”

Tikki’s pacing somehow became even more furious, to the point where she started flying around the room in a not-quite-blurry high-speed tornado. “Plagg,  _ nothing done according to your  _ **_method_ ** ever works out well.”

“That’s a lie,” he said, flying right in her face to stop her in her tracks. “Admit it, you never liked those Dodo birds.”

“That doesn’t mean I wanted them extinct!”

“That’s a lie as well,” he replied, putting on his widest grin. Tikki scoffed at him.

“Look, you can come up with all the most amazing ideas in the world, Tikks, but as long as they require some kind of proactivity on either of their parts  — especially on Marinette’s — they’re never going to work out,” Plagg said, heading for the ceiling that was right below Mme. Bustier’s classroom. “Now, my field, on the other hand, requires for nothing to go right. It’s precisely the opposite: something has to go wrong in order for it to work. With the amount of bullshit out wielders both cause and go through, it’s practically foolproof, even from idiocy like theirs.” 

Tikki groaned, but that was background noise to Plagg at this point. She flew up next to him to the central lamp in the ceiling and gave him a look of well-worn tiredness, of the I-hate-it-when-I-have-to-acknowledge-there’s-a-possibility-you’re-right-and-if-you-turn-out-to-be-later-I- _ will _ -deny-it-until-the-end-of-the-universe variety. “Alright. Fine. I gave up on hope after the macarons she gave him for Valentine's Day anyway.”

He tapped her with his non-hand on her non-shoulder. “See, that’s the spirit. Give it a week and it’ll be all over - they’ll develop codependent tendencies in no time and never leave each other’s side, and we,” he wiggled his eyebrows at that, “will finally have a break.”

Tikki sighed. “Oh, a break–”

It was at this moment that the door slightly to their diagonal right burst open. “There you are!” Chemistry chick shouted, raising her butterfly net. Plagg slowly but surely phased through the ceiling, making sure to give her his best grin as he did so. 

_ Why does she even think a net with a handle ten centimetres long would work, again, when neither the bug spray nor the valerian trap did earlier?  _ Ah, well.

* * *

And so Tikki and Plagg waited.

And waited.

And  _ waited _ .

Not that everything was going swimmingly, no – over the course of the following week, their wielders had six akuma attacks, three science tests, a larger-than-ordinary amount of photoshoots and (from what Plagg had managed to catch Tikki say over their broken-up telepathic chat-link through the yo-yo and staff intranet) five shifts in the bakery. 

Still, though, nothing had gone wrong in the  _ right  _ way. Both had had the usual existential crises around whether what they were feeling for the other (i.e. their soulmate) was real since they weren’t spitting roses all over the place and neither would believe the other had feelings for them in the love square corner they “weren’t into” (Plagg hated the fact that there was a term he could use to describe their situation; worse, he hated the fact that it hadn’t even been their mushy asses that had necessitated its invention) – Chat Noir remained a flirt and Marinette remained a  _ very good friend, Plagg, what do you mean it’s not normal to see stars in people’s eyes? I see them in Ladybug’s all the time– _

(He loved this kid and so he wouldn’t strangle him; blaming it all on his father was easy  — and probably fair  — enough anyway.)

If only they could just gain one more shared brain cell, or receive some sort of interference that didn’t have a lock on its ability to tell them vital to resolving the situation information – wouldn’t that be the dream? (Tikki and Plagg had begged Fu to release them from their misery, but he was as clueless as they were as to how this entire identity-protection thing worked since the Guardian Book’s section on it read like the ancient Chinese version of an AI programme written in JavaScript. Fu himself had signed an  _ actual  _ non-disclosure agreement regarding superhero identities because, fun fact, the Order of the Guardians had developed the world’s first _ Privacy Policy _ , so no dice there, either). 

After day six, though, Plagg started seriously hoping for less interference than that – one slip of the tongue, one trip, one–

– _ moment of pure panic. _

You see, Plagg’s heightened senses allowed him to identify a lot of things – the subtle, exquisite notes of decomposition in camembert, the hormones black cat and ladybug wielders unconsciously emitted in each other’s presence regardless of whether they knew each other’s identities or not, how long ago somebody two streets away had showered, and whatever funky thing Gabriel Agreste was hiding in his basement (Plagg wanted nothing to do with the man until the perfect moment to strike him in the face with a chair  — or ruin his entire life with no consequences to his son  — came, though, so he shut his mouth and bid his time on that front). 

His hearing, too, was so attuned that he could hear Mr. Pigeon coming from the other end of Paris (though, admittedly, so could a lot of people), or, indeed, from a street away, as was more relevant to the situation he found himself in on the seventh day of his and Tikki’s ‘Meeting #3637436 on how to reveal to our wielders by using the most ridiculously convoluted methods in the history of humanity that the reason they don’t have a deadly unrequited love disease is because they do, currently unfortunately for all parties involved, love each other and simply haven’t realised it yet’ ( _ MOHROWUMRCMITHOHTTRTDHADULDIBTDCUFAPILEOASHRIY  _ for short).

From his position in Adrien’s bag, Plagg could sense the cherry blossom petal that, given the trajectory of his exit from the school alongside Nino, would inevitably fly right in front of his face. Meanwhile, Pigeon Man was whistling his usual ‘keep the flock around me’ tune on the street in front of the collége, still 60 degrees to the boys’ left but fast approaching, and Marinette was precisely three meters and forty-five centimeters behind the two of them. 

It was Plagg’s grand moment. What he had to do was simple but vital: he had to wish that Mr. Pigeon would  _ definitely not _ make a small, seemingly innocuous mistake in whistling the notes that would lead the flock to scatter away, with some of them flying, confused by the sudden disharmony, right by the school entrance, about five meters before Adrien, so that he  _ wouldn’t  _ sneeze and the petal  _ wouldn’t  _ fall into his hand as he clamped his hand on his mouth, which would  _ not  _ allow Marinette to misinterpret the situation–

Next thing Plagg knew his entire world shifted by 180 degrees and his head had banged on the end of the bag, which had apparently itself hit on the concrete floor between the exit and the steps of the school. It took him a moment to regain his senses, but when he did, a familiar teenage screech ( _ really, what have I ever done to deserve–you know, nevermind _ ) invaded his ears–

“–Oh my god, Adrien, I’m so sorry! I, uh, have another friend with a feather allergy, and sometimes knocking the wind out of him works–oh. Is... that a petal?”

“...Seems like it?”

If not for the delicacy of the situation – something even  _ he _ could recognise – Plagg would have  _ actually  _ flown out and strangled that boy then and there.

“Oh, so you, uh–”

“No, no, I don’t–not at all!”

A beat of silence, during which Plagg heard sneakers screeching; Nino, skedaddling away like Plagg so desperately wished he himself could, dragging somebody else behind him: Alya, most likely.

_ Come on, kit… _

“...Though I must ask.”

_ Ah, there it is… _

“...how did you learn to do that?”

“Do–I don’t–I can’t do anything!”

“Marinette, you  _ threw me diagonally in the air across your shoulder. _ That... _ is incredible. _ ” Plagg could practically hear the heart-eyes in his voice.

“Oh-oh! You’re...you’re not mad?”

“No.”

“And you don’t have–you know, Hanahaki?”

“Not unless I’ve gained it in the last thirty seconds.”

(Plagg had often wondered where that kid’s ‘strong women beating my ass’ kink had come from; it was a common enough Chat Noir feature, but it usually came from  _ somewhere. _

He knew better than to ask, though.)

“Oh–oh! That’s. Hm.”

_ Come on, Marinette! You can do it –  _ he heard Tikki add on through their telepathic link. Plagg could tell she was more the latter. Her antennas were  _ twitching  _ with excitement _ ,  _ which was always a good sign if you wanted a new sort of fungi or a plague to sprout, but never anything else.  _ Yikes. _

“So...you into people who can yeet you around?”

_ Smooth, girl. _

“Ha, yeah, you could say that – it’s...actually a fairly consistent type for me. So...you said you yeet all of your feather-allergic friends around?”

“...Ye-yeah, I do.”

“...Funny. I have another friend who does that.”

_ Is this…  _ thought Plagg, hesitantly, against all hope,  _ him exhibiting critical thinking skills? _

“Oh. Ah, cool.”

“Yeah. She yeets me around during other times, too. Do you do that to your other friend?”

“...yes.”

“When?”

Plagg could have cried in relief.  _ You go, kit,  _ **_get that mouse._ **

“Um...whenever the greater good needs it?”

“That sounds...harsh.”

“What can I say…sometimes the only way to save Paris–I mean, get something done is to throw somebody, uh–”

“–by the belt?”

Even if Plagg couldn’t hear the girl’s brain glitch, Tikki’s sudden freezing would have been enough to tip him off. Adrien, for his part, was a mix of emotions so frustratingly heterogenous the kwami got a headache just trying to empathise with it.

“...Maybe.”

“...Say, Marinette, do you know what Ladybug and Chat Noir’s most formidable enemy is?”

_ Come on, girl,  _ **_come on..._ **

“...Sliding doors.”

**_Bin-fuckin-go._ **

Plagg felt the floor of the bag shift under him as Adrien moved to stand up. Students had been passing them by from as far as they could during their seemingly non-sequiturish conversation like the Red Sea parting before Moses, but nobody aside from the two (or, okay,  _ four _ ) of them was left inside of the school.

Marinette’s steps retreated into the shadow of the building’s columns and Adrien followed her. The closer they got to each other, Plagg figured, the higher the likelihood they’d start smooching then and there, and so he phased out of the bag, flying quickly next to Marinette’s face (in the shadows, obviously; no amount of intervention for the sake of his future emotional peace would be able to compensate for a lecture from Tikki later).

“Thank the fucking Meta Consciousness, honestly,” he said, giving them both the dirtiest look he could muster. Their dreamy little smiles only turned into grins of the I-am-in-love-and-therefore-you-are-dismissed variety, though,  _ the little shits,  _ and it seemed like it took them every effort to take their eyes off of each other to look at him out of... _ some sort of respect, maybe, hopefully.  _ “If I had to sit through one more year of that, I would have lost my damn mind. Kid, you owe me  _ so much camembert. _ ”

“Plagg, please.” Tikki emerged from Marinette’s bag, somehow schooling her face in admonishment at  _ him  _ even though he  _ knew  _ she was really just as frustrated with them as he was.  _ Way to go full two-faced on the ‘our first priority is being a proper role model and mentor for the kids, Plagg!’ _ thought the Black Cat, and continued loving his other half just as much as he always had, whatever ‘love’ between two embodied, inherently opposed esoteric concepts meant. “There was nothing anybody could have done.”

“More like nothing  _ we  _ hadn’t already done,” he told her because he was the one metaphysically allowed to be petty out of the two of them, and so he was. “Seriously, we’ve had thicker wielders, but even some of  _ them  _ took less time to get why they weren’t growing glorified weeds–” Tikki sputtered at that, but it was nothing new, “–in their lungs than you two.” He turned to the two kids only to see both of them staring mushily at each other’s eyes again and  _ for fuck’s sake– _

“What he means to say is,  _ we both hope you’ll be very happy for a very long time, _ ” Tikki said, and anybody who’d known her for any less than a few millennia wouldn’t have been able to tell that she was gritting her teeth so badly she was going to have to grow a new pair after this was all over.

“I don’t think they can hear you, Tikks.” Plagg flew in front of Adrien’s face, waving all of his limbs in front of the boy, but that elicited no reaction. “Hey, kit, I know this is amazing news and I’m very happy for you and so on,  _ but maybe there’s a better place for this? _ ”

“He’s right,” Marinette said, and Plagg turned to see that she’d managed to snap (at least partly) out of her reverie. “Bakery?”

Before Adrien could reply, though–

“Paris,  _ cower before my pigeons. _ ”

And the metamorphosis on these teenagers’ faces? The combined despair? Now  _ that  _ was karma.

“Job first,” Plagg chirped, flying by Adrien’s right hand. “Fun later.”

His wielder gave him a look before grumbling his transformation phrase. Before he phased out into the ring, Plagg heard the Ladybug girl sigh  _ loudly  _ and mutter hers out, too.

And really, wasn’t this the most romantic thing of all? __

**Author's Note:**

> Biggest of thanks to [Mia herself](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaBrown/pseuds/MiaBrown) and [fae](https://persistentchaos.tumblr.com/) for beta-reading this.
> 
> This was...interesting to write. Tell me what you think about it below, I love receiving feedback on my stories. Otherwise, you can reach out to me on [Tumblr](https://noirshitsuji.tumblr.com/).


End file.
